Combatting Anxiety In Your Forties

 Making A Plan To Overcome The Demons!

A recent form of poor health (triggered by the dreaded covid!) has given me some time to seek answers and clarity on the daily battles and how they all feed into each other.

I took some days off from work towards the end of my covid drama. My physical health took a battering, but it is my emotional health that felt wrecked. 

I realise now that they are interconnected. I genuinely believe that the covid infection was a result of not taking care of myself both physically and emotionally. I felt drained but couldn't understand why.

Firstly I had to label and accept my immediate emotions - I don't have the mental capacity to deal with the daily stressors at work. I think I reached burnout a long time ago but kicked the can down the road by using short term measures to fix my thoughts (at times alcohol, other times food, other times exercise). 

It felt that all my troubles came back to feeling anxiety most of the day. The triggers for me - social activities, work tasks and feeling overwhelmed or indeed not good enough. I felt triggered just opening emails and had to find a strategy to manage it and ensure that my anxiety was well hidden. 

The naughty covid, only made me physically stop and face the problems. I could not even use my coping strategies to get through a hap hazardous day. 

Anxiety in Your Forties:

I reflected on how when I was younger, I coped with the work scaries much better. The anxiety sat on the surface and often I was able to deflect it. I had different support networks and a stronger identity to cope with the confidence fluctuations.

For me it feels like I need to identify with who I am and establish my self again. Develop an strong identity, much like I had before. Stop being the wall flower and start being the garden party. 

This applied to both my social and work life. At home and at play - I have seen a big shift in my autonomy, my networks and feel my life has drifted in that respect. I no longer know who I am and I struggle to implement steps to making changes with that.

My work life has always been busy and a priority. I used to enjoy that, and took pride in being the best, most reliable professional. My reputation was important to me and I worked hard to maintain that. It paid off, and I progressed, but I'm stale now. I need something to boost my motivation and interest, and I haven't yet been able to see what that might look like. I know once I do have a plan, my determination will see me through. It frustrates me that I don't know my way yet and I worry that time is running fast!

For the last few years, I put trust that all of this was just a passing phase. But now I am starting to question whether it is an age thing. The literature online shares my concern and I can identify with topics such as mid life crisis, shifts in friendships in your forties, feeling stale at work (7 Reasons You’re More Prone to Anxiety in Your 40s (And How to Fix It, Middle Age Anxiety: Causes & Coping Strategies ,Middle Age Anxiety: Causes & Coping Strategies ) 

But how do I change it? What is my goal?

I guess for now I need to identify what I want. Ultimately, I want to feel confident again, I want to progress at work and become more strategic in my interests, I want good physical health and I want some solid, reliable relationships. This sounds impossible, and perhaps unrealistic.

So I started to research some methods I could start to use now to enable me to get started, but first I needed to identify some goals.

Presently, my short term goals include - taking opportunities to meet new people and network (saying yes more often and planning one social activity each week). I also would like to learn something new each fortnight ( have an bonus day off work each fortnight), and so I am enjoying searching for activities that I can try on those days). Health wise - this is key, and I want to enjoy a more balanced approach to living well and not restricting myself. I enjoy food, and I want to be able to bake some lovely things. I want to be able to work out regularly (no weight loss goals or muscle goals just yet). Work wise - I just want to be consistent & tackle the harder things first. Instead of avoiding the challenges, I will face them head on. I see this as a 6 week plan and then I will review and plan the next steps. I love a reward - so in 6 weeks - I will congratulate myself with a Kindle ! I want one so bad, but cannot justify it just yet.

How am I going to make it through the 6 weeks? 

Tips from the world wide web:

• Set realistic goals: Check!!!! I have a 6 week plan to focus on making new connections, physically moving on a regular basis and eating well. I am tackling my brain fog but focussing on new activities and reigniting the excitement. Work wise, I am going to have to go hard and really focus on where the anxiety gets me, stop avoiding and facing the things that I have made seem so impossible. I'm choosing to use a little more energy on reframing some of the thoughts I have particularly in relation to work. The tasks I feel triggered by, are tasks I have long completed with ease. I know I can do them, I just avoid them like the plague! Each morning a steady routine of regular admin time. I also feel more motivated once I have engaged with a work colleague, just a small conversation can work my brain and help me to focus. So I am going to schedule some purposeful time each morning to speaking to my team. I would also like to dedicate a little bit of time outside of working hours - to reading about my profession and updates in practice. I have never done that before but I want to refocus my emotions about work - I want it to feel positive and embrace the opportunity to learn and contribute! One podcast a week is all I am intending. But its a start!!! 
• Embrace physical activity: Check!!! I played Padel last night. Ill write a separate blog about my experience of Padel, because it has inspired me and humbled me in equal measure. I am hopeful that this will be something I maintain, but I am not asking that much from myself currently. All I am aiming for is to complete a programme I signed up for. I am 80% complete and I have one more session. Come to think of it....maybe I need to think of a mini reward owing????!!!! Gym is my go to usually, and I know that I enjoy it, it makes me feel super good. Twice weekly workouts is all I am going for in the next 6 weeks. That's one work out for the gym, and one work out from my home equipment.
• Prioritising sleep: This! I'm terrible at. I have started to leave my phone alone once I am in bed, however, I think that is mainly because by bed time I am bored of scrolling! But its a start! My phone is the common denominator when it comes to all my struggles and the temptation to scroll, and seek validation through that tiny screen is more often to easy. I love using the internet for research and activities - so I am going to start using my laptop more for this and the phone just for messages etc. In turn I think I will create a better sleep pattern - or at least build on what I have half heartedly started to do! 
• Toxins: I am a sucker for a glass of wine, especially now the colder, darker evenings are moving in. I love a winter fire and a glass of red to settle into the evening. I still want that indulgence, but the only way is to accept an allowance around that so that I am fully accountable for the frequency I permit. I think that will be easier with other activities that take my time and I think at least for the 6 weeks I may have to be intentional about the structure of my evenings in order to ensure that I am able to hold some discipline with it. This is the goal I am most proud of and most keen to nail! This will warrant the Kindle in its own right!

This journey isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. I’m choosing to face the discomfort, the fog, and the fatigue with intention and self-compassion. These next six weeks are my reset: a chance to reconnect with who I am, rebuild my energy, and rediscover joy in the everyday. I know the path won’t be linear, but I’m committed to showing up for myself, one small decision at a time. And when I reach that milestone, Kindle in hand, it won’t just be a reward—it’ll be a reminder that I’m capable of change, growth, and thriving in my forties.